Questions about Sex

I don’t want to talk to my surviving parent about sex, but I have questions, hear a lot of things about it at school, and I am curious about it. What can I do?

For starters, these are normal things to be thinking about during your teenage years, but the messages that your receive as ‘normal’ might not always be accurate.

One of the best things you can do during this time is to educate yourself about sex; to find out the biological, psychological, emotional, and social realities of sex. This is a much safer and more accurate way of learning about it than experimentation!

Take this area of life seriously. Value yourself as a whole person, body and soul, and take pains to ensure that the sexual decisions you make are good for you. Remember that there will always be time in front of you, but you can never go back. Reflecting on, researching, and talking about sex will build your confidence with the subject matter and allow you to make decisions that are more fully your own.

Talking about the subject with a person who you trust and look up to is probably the best way of handling the situation, but not always the easiest. Intentionally looking for and establishing a relationship with someone who you respect (and who is probably older than you) will pay off greatly in many areas of your life if you make the choice to do it. Once you have built a relationship with this person, you can ask them the awkward questions that you would rather not ask your parent or another adult.

Get a book or look online. There are a lot of resources out there that address the many questions related to sex, and this can help you get more comfortable with the subject matter. Also, a factual book, or a book written by an expert, will generally provide trustworthy information that is helpful for you, which is not always the case with information about sex that you get from peers. Adults want to help teens learn about sex in a healthy way (after all, they were teens once too), but it is probably somewhat awkward for them too, and not a subject that they are confident about bringing up.

Don’t make bad decisions out of spite. If you do talk to your parent about sex, birth control, etc., and you get an answer that you don’t agree with, don’t make a bad decision out of anger. Get a second opinion, or take some time to honestly evaluate about the answer you did get. Think critically about why you are rejecting their advice. Were they were misinformed or do they not understand the whole situation? Does their advice not apply because they don’t understand ‘the times’? Educate yourself about the subject before you make a decision. In most cases, gathering more information will allow you to make a more objective, thoughtful, and hopefully better, decision.

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